watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
