I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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