If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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