If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize