Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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