i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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