It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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