I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
