So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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