I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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