You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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