just come out here and I will go home with you...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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