Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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