He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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