I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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