if i can run in heels then i can drive
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
