What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
