you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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