I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
