I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
