Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
