I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize