So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
ttyl tear gas
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
