I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
