First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
