on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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