I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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