How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We don't watch enough power rangers
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
