you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
