Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
