Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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