All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
