I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
