Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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