real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
