I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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