this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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