relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
