We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
