if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
did i just pee glitter
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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