I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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