you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
