Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
