i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
