You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
