We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
