All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
