we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i drank out of a bidet.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize