on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
