So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
