Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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