i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
