Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
