I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
