i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize