I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
