i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
