I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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