16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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