how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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