My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
