We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
