Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
