I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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