I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
