Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
