bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
