i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
