People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
