Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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