Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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