Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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