I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
