You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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