Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
