dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
