Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize